So… Why didn’t I bring up my cancer sooner?
It’s a fair question. After all, many people with cancer are quick to announce their diagnosis to the entire world. I was not one of those people.
Why not? It’s not that I was afraid to say “the C word” aloud. I wasn’t in denial, and I wasn’t feeling any shame or stigma.
First, I guess I just didn’t want to talk about my cancer or think about it any more than necessary. I just didn’t want to give cancer any extra room in my head.
(I mean that figuratively, of course. Literally, if you count those tumors I had in my brain back then, the cancer actually was taking up room in my head. Too much room.)
Second, I suppose I wasn’t eager to share the news with everyone. Not yet. Just because. And even when I did, briefly sharing the news in a matter-of-fact sort of way is different from blogging about it regularly.
That’s a step I’m only now considering. These posts might help me process my experiences, but they might also help others better understand and process theirs—and also the new experiences that might be just around the corner.
And finally, the number one reason why I haven’t been been blogging or even tweeting much about this or anything else? Cancer makes people tired. Cancer made me tired. Too tired.
What energy I could spare went toward other priorities. I kept working a little, but mostly I focused on getting better. Part of that was getting a little exercise and a lot of rest. Sometimes there wasn’t much choice about the rest part. Sometimes there still isn’t.
Officially, I’m now retired. Unofficially, I’m still tired. But less tired.
So here I am.